I am back in the U.S. now. Still contemplating what I have learned during my 9-months stay in the Philippines. Did I gain deeper insight to answer my burning question? “Why most Americans who prefer to die at home did not get their wish?” This phenomenon happens not only in the U.S.A. but other countries as well. But, why?
One thing certain in life is “Death”; no one can escape from it. But how one recognizes the reality of one’s death is personal and individual. Some dying patients may reveal that they were afraid of pain and suffering. If so, dying patients were prescribed and administered medications, therefore their pain and symptoms were under control. Did they did indeed die well? What I saw from the dying patients’ eyes was an overwhelming emotion of fear and anxiety. What if they were wrong about what they were afraid off! What if there is much more than being “afraid of dying in pain and suffering”
Perhaps, fear is the most important reason. Fear of dying. Fear of dying in pain and suffering. Fear of dying alone. It seems that fear can lead to feelings of dying in agony. But why are dying patients who were fearful of dying alone, as conditions deteriorated or death becomes imminent; why do they feel safer to go to a hospital, even though hospice provide services so that no one should die alone. What is the true reason? Maybe it is hope, hope to live another day or hope for a miracle!
Although I have learned a great deal on how to die well in terms of better managing physical pain and symptoms. Do I really understand the end-of-life experience for sure? It’s likes asking me, “How do I know someone really love me?” Fear, hope or love is an emotion of the way we feel. It is difficult to be certain of what others are thinking or feeling unless they tell me or I see the way they behave around me. Do I need to know for sure? Not really! What really matter is to feel it!
During the Super Typhoon and the earthquakes in the Philippines, I had profound experiences. The feeling of fear “Wow, am I going to die from this?” “Am I going to die alone with no loved-ones around?” Then came the feeling of hope, if I could live another day, to have a chance to tell my loved-ones, “I will be OK”. These thoughts went through my mind then I was really scared. Of what? I was scared of dying. Is this it? My final moments in life. But I did not want to die with neither fear nor sorrow. I thought about my own life. How lucky I was to be born, to be truly loved and to feel love. I kept on thinking about these happy thoughts and feelings. All of the sudden, I felt more relaxed and at peace. If I were to die, I was ready. It’s amazing, yet I cannot describe the feelings! I hope to share with you but only I felt it. I can describe but cannot truly share what I felt that day, even to my loved on who knows me best. I understand now how to truly live life knowing that any moment could be the end.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Learn to Live Well
I am back in the U.S. now. Still contemplating what I have learned during my 9-months stay in the Philippines. Did I gain deeper insight to answer my burning question? “Why most Americans who prefer to die at home did not get their wish?” This phenomenon happens not only in the U.S.A. but other countries as well. But, why?
One thing certain in life is “Death”; no one can escape from it. But how one recognizes the reality of one’s death is personal and individual. Some dying patients may reveal that they were afraid of pain and suffering. If so, dying patients were prescribed and administered medications, therefore their pain and symptoms were under control. Did they did indeed die well? What I saw from the dying patients’ eyes was an overwhelming emotion of fear and anxiety. What if they were wrong about what they were afraid off! What if there is much more than being “afraid of dying in pain and suffering”
Perhaps, fear is the most important reason. Fear of dying. Fear of dying in pain and suffering. Fear of dying alone. It seems that fear can lead to feelings of dying in agony. But why are dying patients who were fearful of dying alone, as conditions deteriorated or death becomes imminent; why do they feel safer to go to a hospital, even though hospice provide services so that no one should die alone. What is the true reason? Maybe it is hope, hope to live another day or hope for a miracle!
Although I have learned a great deal on how to die well in terms of better managing physical pain and symptoms. Do I really understand the end-of-life experience for sure? It’s likes asking me, “How do I know someone really love me?” Fear, hope or love is an emotion of the way we feel. It is difficult to be certain of what others are thinking or feeling unless they tell me or I see the way they behave around me. Do I need to know for sure? Not really! What really matter is to feel it!
During the Super Typhoon and the earthquakes in the Philippines, I had profound experiences. The feeling of fear “Wow, am I going to die from this?” “Am I going to die alone with no loved-ones around?” Then came the feeling of hope, if I could live another day, to have a chance to tell my loved-ones, “I will be OK”. These thoughts went through my mind then I was really scared. Of what? I was scared of dying. Is this it? My final moments in life. But I did not want to die with neither fear nor sorrow. I thought about my own life. How lucky I was to be born, to be truly loved and to feel love. I kept on thinking about these happy thoughts and feelings. All of the sudden, I felt more relaxed and at peace. If I were to die, I was ready. It’s amazing, yet I cannot describe the feelings! I hope to share with you but only I felt it. I can describe but cannot truly share what I felt that day, even to my loved on who knows me best. I understand now how to truly live life knowing that any moment could be the end.
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